His Butler, Doomed
by monkeybait
Summary: Ciel and Sebastian have to solve a problem for the Queen once more. But this time, Ciel will be faced with a task he's never come across before: attending a boarding school.


If you'd asked Ciel Phantomhive just seventy-two hours ago what he would be doing in three days, he couldn't tell you that he would be disguising himself as a student at the distinguished St. Fanciman's School for Boys, and that wasn't just because Ciel wouldn't have told you such anyway. Being the Queen's watchdog often meant changing plans at the last second in order to fulfill her orders. The young heir of Phantomhive did it because it was his duty, passed down to him by his father. The benefit of going on these interesting, if not also life-threatening, excursions was that it interrupted the casual flow of normal life. Unfortunately in this case, he would still have to do homework.

Yesterday afternoon, a letter arrived from the Queen saying that the teaching position of history at St. Fanciman's seemed to be 'cursed': after the school's long-term professor had passed away, no one had been able to hold the job for more than a few days before they would mysteriously disappear. Now nobody wanted to take the job, understandably. It was up to Ciel to discover what was happening to the missing teachers.

But he wouldn't be going alone, for with him always was his mysterious and demonic butler Sebastian, whom could do just about anything ten times better than anyone else. In fact, he was the one who had proposed the plan of action. The plan that Ciel really didn't like but had to agree was the best way to go about things.

"After all," Sebastian went on, clearly pleased with himself, "isn't it just all too perfect that you happen to be the right age to be a student and I in possession of the proper ambience to be a teacher?"

"I'm still not happy about this," Ciel complained, staring down at the mustard yellow school uniform that involved a blazer with the elbows padded and a distractingly large ribbon that sat underneath his chin. It was hard not to accidentally lick it when speaking. "The sooner we solve this mystery, the better. I can't stand to be away from my mansion for too long."

"Is that it?" asked Sebastian innocently. "I was thinking something else might be bothering you."

"I know, this uniform is atrocious, but there's nothing I can-"

"I meant your lack of interaction with other boys of your age."

"… Oh that."

"I think this will be a great experience for you. The only real friend you have that's your age is Elizabeth and she is a young lady, not to say there's anything wrong with that. To allow yourself to be surrounded by others of your age group and gender will be quite… eye-opening, I suppose. It will, at the very least, teach you not to complain every time something gets caught under your fingernails." Sebastian grinned obnoxiously and Ciel sat on his hands to stop himself from checking his fingers then, an event that he hoped did not look terribly conspicuous to his overly-observative butler.

Sebastian glanced at his pocket watch. "In any case, we should be arriving shortly. Do you have your background story memorized?"

"Of course!" the teenager huffed in the best angst-driven voice he could muster. Well, it was mostly memorized.

Suddenly the sound of hooves on dirt changed to hooves on cobbled stone. "Seems as if you're almost to the entrance," Sebastian said. "You'll have to go in by yourself, obviously. The chauffeur will bring up your bags. Go straight to the headmaster and get everything settled."

"I know what I have to do!" Ciel shouted indignantly. "And you remember that we aren't supposed to know each other, so we can only interact if we're sure no one else is watching. Or if I order you to. You'll land that position as the history teacher with no trouble, so that's the least of our worries. I don't want you acting too much on your own, because goodness knows what mess you'd get into, and you can't comment on the food even if it's terrible, that isn't your place, and be sure not to- _blegh_!" By accident, Ciel managed to inhale a large portion of the decorative ribbon midspeech.

"Well that seems as good a signal as any to get going," Sebastian prompted as his master removed the satin offender from his tongue in disgust. "Run along now, I'll be after you in a few hours."

Ciel nodded affirmatively and exited the carriage door. He was used to having Sebastian prop down the step for him so there wouldn't be such a long drop down, and Ciel soon found himself well-acquainted with the gray stones leading up to the main gate. Somehow able to regain his dignity after Sebastian's stifled laughing bonanza, the boy walked up to the iron archway by himself. In large twisted letters, the words "Saint Fanciman's" were lined up on top. The building past the bars was large and made of an old brick. There was nothing particularly unique about the school. It was actually kind of ugly, but on either side were some crab apple trees that tried and failed to brighten the place up a smidge.

Ciel was beginning to wonder how he was supposed to get inside when out of the front doors of the brick building came an older boy that Ciel assumed was an upperclassman. He had dark brown hair and wore the same ugly yellow outfit with the brown bow. Ciel decided then and there that this uniform was designed to flatter nobody's looks. Finally the older boy made it over. "You must be…" He took a card out of his pocket. "Uh… Beau McGreggor?"

Ciel flinched; he had been prepared to use the name 'Finny Michaelis', but apparently a certain someone had already enrolled him as something else. "Yes, that's me," he replied, in a very forced, I-am-going-to-kill-Sebastian-for-this-later sort of tone.

The senior boy took a heavy-looking key out of his pocket and undid the latch, allowing Ciel in. "All right then. I'm Allen Fisher. Welcome to St. Fanciman's, I guess. Kind of weird to have someone come in the middle of a term, if you know what I mean. What are your circumstances?"

"I'd rather just discuss that with the headmaster, thanks," Ciel answered promptly. "It's sort of… hard to talk about." In truth, he wasn't exactly sure what those circumstances were just yet.

"Okay then," Allen grunted, hands stuffed in his pockets. "How old are you again?"

"Thirteen."

"Come on."

The Earl blinked. "What do you mean 'come on'?"

"There's no way you're thirteen-"

"Well, I am!"

"Sort of sucks to be you then," Allen continued nonchalantly. "The only open room left in your dormitory is with Tom."

Ciel felt a pang of dread at the words 'sucks to be you'. "Um… who is Tom exactly?"

Allen gave a glum shrug. "You'll see for yourself," he muttered. They had already entered the school and had been walking down a variety of lengthy hallways. Each hallway had about five doors and around zero windows. The walls themselves were made of the same brick as the outside. Some of the unpolished wooden doors were swung open, revealing classes in session. Each one contained around thirty bored, yellow-clothed children and a teacher at the front pointing at a blackboard and speaking in a drawling voice. A more boring place was not imaginable, especially since its drabness squashed the imagination right out of you. A wave of relief washed over Ciel when he remembered he was only supposed to be here for a few days and not seven years like most of the students.

"Just go up that staircase and you'll be at the headmaster's," Allen explained and Ciel snapped back to attention. "Well… bye."

The soon-to-be student turned to go up the long flight of stairs when suddenly something dawned on him: he'd already forgotten the name that Sebastian had assigned him. "Excuse me… er… Allen?"

Allen turned grumpily. "What?"

"Um… well…" Ciel wondered exactly how to phrase this without sounding like a total idiot. "I was just wondering if I could have that little card that you had with you when we first met."

"Why's that? All it says is your name."

"Because… well…" Think fast, think fast… "I collect paper."

The upperclassman stared at him strangely. "You co… _what_?"

If that wasn't the stupidest… ugh, now he had no choice but to roll with it. "Yes, I collect paper. Little pieces of paper. I just like paper. Give it to me, okay?"

Giving him the eye all the while, Allen took the slip out of his pocket put it on the tiled floor, and walked away slowly. As soon as he made it around the first corner, Ciel took it. Beau McGreggor. The aristocrat grimaced at the revolting sound of the name. _I hope you're having your kicks and giggles now, Sebastian, because you should expect some very specific dinner requests in the near future._

After swallowing back the taste of vomit, Ciel ascended the staircase. At the top was a much shorter hallway and a much nicer looking door with a gold plate nailed on that stated HEADMASTER, capitol letters and all. The word 'headmaster' never having created the stimulus response to stay away at all costs, Ciel approached without caution, rapping his hand against the frame thrice.

"You can enter," said a gruff voice from within, and Ciel did so.

Sitting in the large red office chair was a man twice the size of Ciel and probably three times the weight. He was smoking a cigar and was about as unappealing to look at as Ciel's fake name was to say, if not more so. I won't go into detail about how he looks; you can fill in the gaps for yourself. In any case, he was a fellow whom had clearly not been blessed by the attractive fairy and the young Earl really wanted to get out of there quickly.

"Hello, sir," he began tentatively. "My name is… Beau McGreggor." This name was the best of both worlds, if those worlds happened to be sucking on a lemon and receiving a blow to the stomach. He somehow managed to move past it. "I believe you received my letter announcing that I would be coming soon due to some recent happenings?"

The headmaster stared at him.

"The one with a lot of money transposed?"

"Oh yeah, I got that letter," the headmaster answered as if he suddenly remembered. Ciel simply found it rude that the principal hadn't introduced himself or offered him a chair. "What were those circumstances again? I don't believe you mentioned that…"

"My tutor drowned during a sailboat incident and my mother thought it would be best if I tried to forget about her death by being attended to by higher education," Ciel decided. The man didn't seem attentive enough for a more convincing story fortunately. As the person running a school, Ciel would have hoped he'd be a might less dim.

"Well," the headmaster continued, reaching across his desk for a file, "here's your schedule and dorm room assignment. You can start your learning tomorrow. Breakfast begins at 8:00, lunch at 12:00, and dinner at 6:00. The other boys will fill you in on the rest. Thanks for choosing St. Fanciman's."

That seemed to be the indicator to leave, so Ciel did, carrying the thin folder with him. Inside was a list of his courses in such a terrible scrawl that Ciel had to hold the paper right up to his face, squint, and invent two new letters of the alphabet in order to read it properly. In the end he determined he was learning French, violin, history, and arithmetic, which was pretty much exactly what he was learning at home from Sebastian. He also found a key with the number 238 written on it, which he assumed was his room.

After stumbling through far too many identical hallways, Ciel came across the dorm area. It was really quiet, so Ciel assumed that class was still in session. He easily found his own abode since it was the one with baggage stacked outside of it. Sebastian had insisted he stop asking the servants to pack things at four suitcases, but Ciel had gone with five just in case.

Placing the key in the lock, Ciel put his hand on the doorknob. At once a shiver shot up his arm and throughout his whole body. It had a slimy consistency. Like someone had touched it after eating a piece of food and not washing their hands. Revolting would be a compliment. He almost threw up again.

After wiping it off thoroughly with a sock, the first thing Ciel could dig out that would suffice, Ciel opened the door. What he saw made his jaw drop. There was a bunk bed, but the bottom's blankets were strewn on the floor. There really was no floor left either: there were just piles of yellow clothes, wrinkled like they'd been worn already, and there were books thrown around with their pages missing, ink spilled, and a desk with one drawer hanging open, the other missing altogether. The wax on a candle had molded it into the mattress of the bottom bunk. And, worst of all, a piece of bread sat on the windowsill, only it didn't really look like bread much, it looks more like a sponge covered in black ants. Or mold.

"Well hi there! You must be my new roommate!" sang a delightful voice behind him.

And that's when Ciel really did throw up.

**I'm pretty bad at updating, but if enough people review it, I'll continue. I don't mean that as a temptation mechanism, I'm just saying that I'm driven by positive/constructive comments, and if I only get one or none I probably won't have the willpower to write another chapter. So yeah.**


End file.
